Have you ever had something that you knew you had to do, yet you couldn’t? Have you ever had a gut feel about something but not been able to put into words just why you felt that way or what that feeling was?
Have you ever had a big decision to make, and in your heart you had already made it, but it was a matter of convincing your head that it was the right way to go?
Well, I have.
I have always felt like I had a good gut feel, not anatomically or physically because lactose/fructose and gluten are definitely not my guts friends. But that feeling you get when you know something is not quite right, that you don’t feel comfortable doing what you are doing, or there is something about a person that doesn’t sit right with you. Well, that feeling! I feel like that is like my sixth sense. I can just tell when something or someone is not quite right for me, and I think I can tell pretty early on.
I think I always felt this way about being a Physiotherapist, I think from the get go I knew that I wasn’t going to be doing this forever, that this job wasn’t for me. What was I meant to do? Well, I am not sure, but once I realised that this wasn’t the path I was meant to take in life, I couldn’t hide from it. I became more unsettled in my day to day life and I became disheartened with the work I was doing and the life I was living.
Making the choice to stop my work as a treating Physiotherapist was therefore almost liberating, I felt relieved, and I felt happy, something I hadn’t felt in a long time. I no longer went to sleep dreading the next day of work, nor did I trudge through each weekday counting down the hours and days until the weekend.
This feeling was freeing and gave me confidence that I had made the right decision. “You can always come back to it,” is what most people have said, like I was crazy for throwing away such a good career. And yes, at times, I have sat here thinking, did I make the right choice? Does this mean that everything I have done up until this point was a waste? But, since finishing as physio I haven’t once wished I was still doing it, I haven’t once regretted the choice I have made, and today has really made me feel confident in my decision.
Today I received a couple of phone calls from old colleagues, physio’s I have worked with in the past. Hearing them talk on the other end of the phone about this person’s injury, about the anatomy of it all and the treatment they have had, really made me feel like, 1. I had forgotten a lot already since not treating. But 2. Realise how little I was interested in the intricate details of the injuries and that I was so glad that I wasn’t having to do that work anymore.
I don’t really know if this is a good thing or not, or if it is purely a positive reinforcement that I have made the right choice, and that I no longer have to question myself anymore.
What it does make me think, however, is what do I do now? Where to from here? Is there something bigger and better that I could be doing with my life? Was there something else that I was really meant to do? And was this one way road to physiotherapy a path that I took with blinkers on, shutting out any other opportunity or pathway that could have been there in my peripheral vision? And now that those blinkers are off, will this open up some new avenues for exploration? Well, I hope so.